Be With Me
by sailorsenshi7
Summary: Fix It fic for TROS. Might continue if all goes well.


Rey is numb.

Hollow.

Incomplete.

With Ben's shirt clutched in her hand, she leaves Master Skywalker's X-Wing, looking around at the celebration before her, bereft. The cheers, the frantic laughter, the tears of joy. It feels too much and yet not enough. She wants to rage, to weep, to mourn. To feel. But she can't. Rey doesn't feel anything. Her hands clutch the black cloth tighter, her fingers nearly going as numb as her mind.

She looks around her but all she can see is Ben's face, his smile, his chuckle before he went lax in her arms, falling back to the ground. The horror she felt when he disappeared, the bond she'd relied on for so long as a source of intimacy and comfort severing inside her, splintering along with her heart. Rey had been so shocked, so distraught, she hadn't even wept over what was once his body. She just stared at the ground where he'd been, not understanding. Refusing to believe this was his end. That this was hers.

Dyads in the force.

Bonded.

Connected.

It was almost as if the Force had married them, they were essentially one being. Now she was less. So much less.

How can a loss feel so profound and yet cause her to feel nothing but the shell of herself?

On auto-pilot, Rey takes another furtive glance around, needing something. Someone to understand. Someone to help her. As the forest and the Resistance begin to close in around her, her breath coming in a shallow gasp of pain, Rey's eyes focus on Finn in the distance alongside Poe.

Her heart stutters, stops, and then begins to beat rapidly as emotion wells up from seemingly nowhere. The block on her mind crumbles around her, vision blurring as she rushes towards her friend. Maybe if she can get to Finn and Poe she will feel less alone. Less broken.

If anyone would understand, it would be Finn.

Rey reaches him quickly, grabbing him to her and sobbing into his shoulder. She feels arms around her, knows Poe is there as well as she weeps, bitterness filling her soul.

She should be happy. She should feel joy. Instead, Rey only feels the chasm left behind in her mind where Ben's presence used to reside. Rey never realized how his essence filled her up, made her feel understood. Safe. Like she wasn't... alone. But now he's gone and there is only a cold, bottomless darkness that embraces her.

Perhaps she should have stayed dead on Exegol. Not Ben. Gods. Not Ben.

"Rey, what's wrong?" Finn whispers into her ear, leaning away from their hug to look into her eyes. It's too much concern and Rey feels her face crumbling again under the weight of more tears, more sorrow, more loss.

"Rey..." Finn begins again before pausing, as if sensing her pain. "Let's get you away from here, yeah?" Barely nodding, Rey lets Finn take her arm, leading her away from the celebration, from Poe, from everyone else. Finn finds a tent, pushes through the doorway, allowing the curtain to close behind Rey. Turning to face her, Finn looks haunted. Hopeful.

"I felt you die, Rey. On Exegol. I _felt_ it. But you're here and I don't understand how, I just know it's the reason you're sad." Finn's tone conveys his confusion and Rey senses his desperation to understand why being alive would make her sad.

Rey moves away from Finn, looking at a wall as she tries to steady her breathing, to calm down. She needs to center herself, to focus on anything other than the gaping wound that seems to be spreading inside her, filling her with nothing. With nothingness.

"I did die." She begins slowly. Her voice sounds barren and lifeless to her own ears. "I was able to channel the Force from generations of Jedi before me and I was able to destroy Palpatine, but it was too much. The power... it was too much for any one person to handle and I died. I didn't feel pain," Rey chokes on the word, "just a sense of peace before it all ended."

"How are you back? What happened?"

"I wasn't alone on Exegol. Ben... He was there. He came for me. To help me. He... He saved me, Finn. He healed me, he gave me his life force." Rey stumbles over her next words. Wanting to share everything with Finn, but knowing those last few intimate moments with Ben were for her alone. "And then he was just gone. He was in my arms one moment and then he just vanished." Rey grips the shirt tighter, clutching it to her chest before she turns around to face her friend.

"Ben... You mean Kylo Ren, don't you?" His voice isn't unkind, but Rey reacts angrily nonetheless.

"Don't call him that!" Rey screams before her emotions seem to shut down, a calm expression coming down on her face. Finn takes a hesitant step forward but Rey steps back, no longer wanting his comfort. "He wasn't Kylo Ren any longer. Not since we were on the Death Star remains. He was so full of light in the end. When it counted. When it mattered."

For all that it mattered. Rey didn't want to live a life without him in it. How could she go on after realizing all she could have had with him? A few brief moments where Rey felt whole, happy, cherished. The bond had strummed so humbly within her, given her so much warmth. She knew wholeheartedly that Ben was the belonging she had been seeking all along, he was her destiny. In those moments he was her home.

"Rey, I need to know. Why would he give his life for you? Why would he save you?" Finn's words are soft, as if he knows the answer but wants her to admit it aloud to him. To get it out. To expose the wound that's eating her like a poison.

"He... Ben, he..." Her vision blurs again but she chokes back the sob on the verge of rising up, trying to be strong. Hoping to be strong. She's never felt more weak. "He loved _me_." Rey bites out in an agonized whisper, almost as if she's shocked someone could ever love her, care for her. Sacrifice himself for her. A nobody. A Palpatine.

"Oh, Rey." Finn rushes to her, catching her in his arms before she collapses to the ground, fresh tears flowing down her face like a river of woe. Her weight is too much of a burden to bear, which has Finn and Rey sinking to the ground on their knees, Finn holding Rey to him while she remains loose in his arms.

"He loved me, Finn. I didn't want to accept it at first. Accept him. I wasted so much time not believing in him, fighting him when all he wanted was to talk. I just feel so empty. So broken." So stupid. So pathetic.

"I wish I knew what to say to ease this pain I feel in you. That there was a way to make this better. Just know that I'm here for you, always." Rey nods into his chest, letting his arms comfort her, what little comfort it provides. She can still feel Ben holding her, his strong arms cradling her to him. His hand resting on her stomach, giving all of himself to her, for her.

"People never understood him. What he'd been through to make the choices he did. What happened to him. I didn't know all of it, probably not even a lot, but I knew enough to know that path that led him to Kylo Ren wasn't one he made. It was forged for him by the cruelty of others, by those who manipulated him, used him. He wasn't an evil man. Not as I knew him." Knew him. As in past tense, because he was dead. Gone. Vanished, like a ghost in the night.

"Maybe someday when you're feeling better, you can tell me about him. Maybe about you and him. It sounds like he was the kind of man I'd like to have known." Rey smiles sadly before pulling away from Finn, rising to her feet.

"Maybe someday," She responds with a hollowness to her words.

Looking away from her friend, Rey feels the bite of pain spreading across her soul, as sharp as ever. She thought confiding in Finn, sharing some of her story with him would ease the pain, if only slightly. Instead, it feels worse than before, unbearable.

"I appreciate you listening, but I think I need to be alone for now." Without waiting for a reply, Rey leaves the tent, walking briskly towards the Millenium Falcon. Passing by more acquaintances, Rey nods her head absentmindedly at whoever she passes until she reaches her destination, stepping inside the ship and heading into the captain's quarters. Rey lays down on the bed, Ben's shirt in her arms as she holds it to her face, inhaling his scent, imagining to herself that he's with her, holding her in his arms. She can almost feel that he's holding her, his arms wrapped around her waist, his body pressed against hers. Rey is careful not to cry into his shirt as she falls asleep.

* * *

Ben holds her to him, his heart breaking as she weeps and trembles in his arms.

_It wasn't supposed to be like this_, he thinks to himself bitterly. She wasn't supposed to be miserable with him gone. His arms wrap around her tighter and her breath hitches, almost as if she can feel his embrace in her sleep. Her trembling eases, her gasping breaths subsiding until she falls into a deep sleep, seemingly soothed by his presence. Ben feels a brief sense of cockiness knowing she is eased by him alone, but the thought is as fleeting as it is haunting. He doesn't want her to live the rest of her life pining for a love that can't come back to her fully. Rey's breath hitches again before evening out, as if the past day has been too much for her, which he knows it has.

What he wouldn't give to truly be there with her, to have her in his arms, for her to wake up in his without the knowledge that he would die and leave her behind.

Ben takes solace in the fact that she is alive, that he gave his life to her, for her. For all the hatred and misery in his life, he feels grateful for knowing his one good thing was Rey, his one good deed was ensuring she lived. If only her heart stopped aching, if only her bond didn't feel like a tattered piece of ribbon attempting in vain to stay together even though the wind is blowing it apart.

If he'd known she would be like this... If he'd known she would be miserable and lost... Ben sighs, sitting up slightly to look down at her sleeping, tear-stained face. Well, he knows he would do it all over again. For her. He would do anything for her.

"I would die a thousand times just to see you live, even if it's without me." Ben whispers down at Rey, knowing his words won't reach her, just as his touch can't. There is nothing he can do to keep her from this pain, this aching pit of despair that has seemed to form in her heart. He can sense it, so in tune with his dyad that even in death he can feel her, hear her, see her. Perhaps one day, when the pain from his loss is less persistent, Rey will be able to hear him too. See him. Let him hold her. Being a Force ghost might not be the worst thing, even if he hasn't accomplished that as of yet.

"What if it could be _with_ you?" a soothing voice asks. Ben squeezes his eyes shut briefly before he looks up and across the room. In the door way stands his mother, a Force ghost.

"Mom?" Ben asks, something inside him breaking and healing all at once. He hasn't seen her in years and to know that it's like this. It hurts him and helps him all at once. Now they can be together, mend together. He's finally come home to her.

Moving from the bed gently, as if a sudden movement would wake Rey, Ben hurries to his mother's side, taking her hands in his and smiling down at her happily.

"Oh, Ben. I'm so glad to see you, even under the circumstances." Ben smiles sheepishly before wrapping Leia in a bear hug, letting his emotions flow into her. "I know, son. I know."

A few precious moments more and Leia pulls back from the hug, grabbing his hands again. She looks up at her boy, smiling gently at him. "This wasn't to be your destiny."

"I know," Ben smiles sadly. "I came up from the pit and she was just laying there. Just gone. I didn't know what to do, but when I made it to her and held her in my arms, I knew I couldn't leave her like that. I was either going to leave with her or I wasn't going to leave at all. I find comfort in my choice, even if Rey can't right now."

"While I'm glad to hear that, son, I meant that the force healing shouldn't have killed you. I thought I'd given enough of my essence to keep you from dying."

Ben's brow furrows in confusion before he turns and looks back at Rey's prone form. She's pulled herself into the fetal position, holding his shirt to her like it's something precious. It's then that he realizes she doesn't have anything other than his shirt to remember him by and his heart aches for her.

Ben looks back at his mother, the tiniest bit of hope in his voice. "What are you trying to tell me?"

Leia smiles, her face lighting up with love and admiration for her son. "I'm telling you that what's going on with you now is temporary. You're here, but you're not really gone. My force essence is holding you. It's healing you. It's just taking a bit longer since you offed yourself for the girl." There is humor in her tone.

"I didn't off myself. I sacrificed myself. There _is _a difference, Mom."

"Not to your mother there's not." Leia grips him to her, this hug feeling slightly less like coming home and more like a farewell. "I can feel it. Can you?"

Ben shakes his head in denial, not wanting to feel what she means, but knowing with his whole heart his mother gave him the most precious gift. "You can't. Mom, please." His eyes fill with tears as he watches her form shimmer, wavering slightly before its separates into thousands of beads of light, coming toward Ben and enveloping him. His eyes squeeze shut at the abrupt sensation of pain as his body feels more dense, more real.

"This way you can be happy. Free. It's something I was never able to give you before and for that I'm sorry. Perhaps it was always my destiny to give you this bit of respite from a hard life I couldn't protect you from." Her voice is strong in his mind, in his heart, but her Force signature is disappearing, bleeding into him, giving him life. "You also have another gift waiting on you. They're going to be a handful." Leia's lighthearted laugh echoes in his mind before Ben finds himself standing in Rey's quarters, visibly confused by his mother's words and how he came to be alive.

Frantically he touches his hair, his face, his chest. Absently he notes that he's missing his shirt, but his pants and boots are accounted for. Ben stands in the middle of the room for what seems like ages, just watching Rey breathe. He's afraid to move, afraid to do anything that might make this gift from his mother disappear. He doesn't feel worthy of such a sacrifice, of such love. At least not yet. After what feels like ages Ben moves towards the bed, removing his shoes quietly before laying on the bed behind Rey, pulling her sleeping figure into him.

His breath hitches at the feel of her warm body against his. His arms wrapped around her waist, his head nestled into her neck, just breathing her in.

It's not like last time. He isn't holding her dead body, praying to whoever will listen to help him save her. Her eyes aren't staring sightlessly ahead. The thought makes him stutter on a breath, nearly choking on a sob that he just manages to hold back. He won't allow himself to feel sad. Not now.

Rey moans slightly in her sleep, her hands letting go of the shirt to grasp at the warm arms enveloping her. He feels it then, the stirring in his mind as she reaches out to him and finds the bond in tact. Whole. Ben feels the hesitation before Rey's body stiffens next to him. Her hands tense on his arms, gripping him harshly before she's launching herself off the bed and turning to face him, shock and horror and awe written all over her face.

Her lip trembles and she squeezes her eyes shut, turning away from him briefly in attempt to hide the grief coursing through their bond. She turns back just as quickly, as if she is afraid he'll disappear if she looks away. Ben sits up, sliding his legs over the side of the bed, his bare feet touching the floor. He watches her, unsure of what to say. Is there even anything to say in this moment?

"You're not real," she whimpers, taking a few steps towards him until she's collapsed between his legs, her hands resting on his thighs. "Please don't show me this and then take it away. Please," she cries out, burying her head against his inner thigh and sobbing. Ben's heart breaks as his arms lift her into his lap, holding her to him as she clings to him. Soon they're both crying, leaning into each other, the bond easing the pain and loss inside.

"I'm right here, sweetheart. I'm right here." Ben repeats it like a prayer, knowing he is with her but still unable to process it all. Unable to believe his life could end up so hopeful.

"I don't understand. I don't care. Ben, you're really here?" Rey whispers into his neck, her lips brushing across his skin. He shudders at the sensation, all of the sudden very aware of his lack of clothing, Rey's closeness. All of her.

"I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here." Rey leans back into his lap before her lips find his, this kiss just as real, just as potent as their first. Ben can feel her love pouring through the bond, her embrace a physical manifestation of the feeling.

It's not long before they are pulling at each other's clothing, desperate to be as close as possible. To know that this is real. Ben falls back onto the bed, Rey straddling his waist as she leans down and kisses him again. Her hands reach for his trousers, but Ben stills her hands with his own, looking into her eyes. "Are you sure?" One of his hands cups her face, bringing her down to him again so he can brush a gentle kiss along her upturned mouth. Rey sighs into him, her body melting into his.

"I'm sure." She whispers warmly against his mouth.

Smiling, Ben grabs her by the waist and shows her just how much he's missed her.

* * *

Rey looks down at Ben, watching his face as he sleeps. He's holding her hand in his, their entwined fingers resting upon his chest, which moves slowly up and down in time with his breaths. Rey is almost afraid to sleep, scared that she will wake up and it will all just be a dream. Something her mind conjured up to help with the agony of her loss. Logically, she knows Ben is back. He told her what Leia did for him, her noble sacrifice to save his life. Sifting a hand through his soft hair, Rey knows this man, Ben Solo, is someone worth the sacrifice.

There is a gentleness about him, something Rey has sensed upon their first meeting. Hidden among the hatred, anger and despair, there was a kind soul of a man who she knew was meant to belong to her on some level. Rey is grateful and humbled to know she plans to spend her life with him. Learning everything about him, learning about everything with him. She's never had that. A partner. A lover. Not until Ben.

Blushing slightly their activities earlier, Rey feels confident and happy knowing Ben has always been her destiny. The bond no longer feels like an abyss swallowing her whole. It feels complete.

Basking in that knowledge, Rey finds herself holding Ben to her, her eyes shutting as she finally drifts off to sleep, feeling happier than she ever has.

* * *

"So... People just come back from the dead all the time now or what?" Finn asks curiously. He's been unable to keep his eyes off of Ben, both parts wary and thrilled Rey's bond mate is back. Rey explained it a bit earlier, how they were connected. A Dyad in the Force, not that he knows entirely what that means, only that they're soulmates, essentially. Still, Finn feels thrilled for Rey, for the happiness he sees in her.

Ben rolls his eyes at Finn's comment. "Obviously that's not true."

"Seems like you both are two for two, so obviously it _is_ true." Finn quips back, a slight smile playing on his face. "For what it's worth, we're glad to have you hear, Solo."

"Did you just call me Solo?" Ben asks gruffly before a slight smile graces his face. It's gone in an instant, but Rey basks in it, knowing he feels happy to be addressed by his namesake.

Rey practically beams at the words, even though she knows not everyone will feel that way. At least not yet. She knows that what's best for them both is to head off on another adventure, another planet, another life. She can't imagine leaving her friends behind, but she'd go anywhere for Ben Solo, do anything for him.

Finn grins back at Ben before locking eyes with Rey, as if he senses her resolve to leave.

"For what it's worth, I do have some pull with a certain General or two. I'm sure we could look at having you pardoned, Ben. For Leia, for Rey and for you. You won't have to stay here if you don't want, but at least know you'll be free."

Smiling happily, Rey throws her arms around Finn, laughing in his ear. "You don't know what this means to me," she whispers to him.

Finn chuckles before breaking away, one hand scratching the back of his neck. He looks a bit sheepish. "Well, actually. Remember back on Pasana, when I told you I wanted to confess something? There didn't seem to be a chance, but now's a good a time as any." He casts a look at Ben, looking chagrined and a little intimidated.

"What is it, Finn?" Rey notices her friend's distress, which only heightens her own emotions. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that, right?"

"I don't want to sound stupid or silly."

"You won't, brother." Ben states casually, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. He can sense what Finn isn't saying, having noticed it himself a few years back on Star Killer Base, and before on Jakku.

Before Rey can look questioningly at Ben, Finn blurts out, "I'm Force sensitive."

Finn takes a shuddering breath, collapsing into a chair as if the weight of his secret has been holding him up. "Whew, I honestly thought it was going to be harder to say."

Rey and Ben share a brief look, not wanting to undermine Finn's confession by telling him they had already known. "How long have you suspected?"

"Only more recently. I don't think I'll ever be as sensitive as you two, but I get these feelings. These instincts, I guess. I'm learning to trust them, to listen to what I feel."

"That's excellent, Finn."

"Enough about me," Finn states. "What will you do now? Where will you go?"

Rey and Ben share a look, the desire and happiness flaring up between them. Rey smiles slightly. "I have something I need to do."


End file.
